Silly Kitten, You Can’t Read

For far too long, I’ve made my home in a cramped one-bedroom apartment. I hate the decor of my living room. It’s dirty cream walls devoid of any adornments. I sit on my ripped and stained couch and prop my feet up on a splintering coffee table. The floor is covered in thin and frayed brown carpet. The concrete underneath is nearly visible in certain spots. My kitten jumps onto one of two metal folding chairs that I keep out for guests. She licks her butt after depositing in the litter box. You’d be surprised how much stink a little kitten can make. I cough as the odor takes over the musty atmosphere.

My kitten fits into a single hand. She loves to sit on my neck and rub her head against my beard. This sends excitement radiating through her little body. She purrs while adjusting herself to a comfortable position. She’s thin and her hair’s scraggly. The runt of the litter. Her claws are razor sharp and she loves to knead my beard. If I don’t pay attention to her she can get aggressive by clawing and chewing my face.

I am reading and not paying attention to her, so she claws at my face. I move her from my neck to my lap but she crawls back up without delay. I move her down to my lap. I hold my hand in her way. She tries to get over my hand, but she’s stopped in her tracks. She tries twice more and gets more frustrated with each unsuccessful attempt. On the fourth try, she wiggles her butt and jumps with all her might right over my hand. She ends up sitting on my neck. Blocking my book from view.

“You silly girl.”

I scoop her up with one hand and put her on the floor. She pouts by licking her paws and rubbing her head. Pretending to clean herself. She looks back up at me. When our eyes meet she goes back to licking.

A minute of this and she now has the will to try again. She jumps onto the couch but misses. Her front two claws dig into the couch and she struggles and with all her might. Her will is unmatched and she pulls herself up onto the cushion. Then, with a quick hop, she’s back on my lap. She ignores me and goes back to licking herself.

While I’m consumed by my book, Missy plans her assault. She climbs up again and scurries to my chest but stops short of my neck. She stops to lick herself. I can still read, so I don’t move her. She moves up to my neck. I can’t see. I’m frustrated. It’s the climax of the book. This damn cat just won’t take no for an answer. She won’t get it through her head that I don’t want her on my face. I scoop her up with one hand and I throw her across the room. She hits the wall with a thud and slides down.

“Stay off me!”

Missy licks her paws and rubs her head at a frantic pace. I stare at her, but she doesn’t return my gaze. My anger subsides and I feel guilty. I think I may have been too rough. But she must learn manners. I watch her for a minute and call her. No response. I get up and move towards her. She darts into the other room. I walk after her but she hides under the bed.

I sit back on the couch and finish my book in peace.

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